eating anything that moved. I know it was all emotional, something I have will have to continue to work on. One thing for sure is, I really don't handle death well, and these few days, I was just overcome with it. This is also the month my Granny died and it just still hurts, so I eat. I know one day, I will break the habit, and actually, I've gotten better than I used to be. But the honest truth
is, food doesn't hurt--or at least, I don't feel it the way I do when my heart is aching. I haven't been doing devotion either probably because I'm still a little miffed with God for taking my Granny. I know she belongs to Him, but he did give me to her and I miss her desperately! I'm mad because my friends who have lost their Grannies and Mothers have to endure the same pain.
So I've just been mad--and eating! And not just eating, but eating and not working out. Until today, I hadn't been to the gym in five days! I stepped on the scale to see what damaged I'd done, and I was up two pounds! I wasn't surprised though, just thanking God it was only two, the way I was eating, I thought it was more like 10! But, here's what I know--I need to be steadfast in making good choices. I just wasn't.
Every time I put something in my mouth, I thought, "You should not be eating this," and ate it anyway. When I should have gone to the gym, I thought, "You need to get up and go," but I laid in bed anyway--and I paid for it. So, I'm having real talks with myself to see if I really do want to live because at the end of the day, it's all up to me. I can either choose life, or choose to wait for death in the form of a heart attack, stroke, cancer or diabetes. I think I have to remind myself of these choices no matter what, but especially when I am angry and/or in pain. I'm guessing I've chosen to live because today, even though I was late, I got up and went to the gym, and have only eaten the healthy meals I've planned. To God be the glory!