So, I've revisited the things God has given me to do, and returned to preparing for them. The pain that was keeping me from exercising is all but gone, so next week, I'll be back in the gym, preparing meals and sticking to my eating plans. I'll be posting my goals and progress again with new photos, thoughts and feelings.
I suffered a profound writer's block that was obliterated by a chance encounter. Words and thoughts have been pouring out of me, and I just cannot describe the joy, passion and intensity that accompanies it. I am laughing and finding joy in the most simplest of things, and I love it! I have a refreshed sense of wonder and adventure. I feel alive again, and it is fantastic!
So, my "life" projects are publishing my first book, producing a CD, own my own business and be an advocate for people. My first steps have been to carve out time to write uninterrupted, and making a commitment to keep that time. A lot of my frustration was that I didn't hold that time sacred for me. I allowed everyone and everything else to absorb the time I need to write. So, I'm just going to be a bit selfish and reserve writing time that is not interrupted.
The next thing is to "put some meat on the bones" of my projects and get them going. Another source of frustration was this overwhelming fear of succeeding! Yes, crazy I know--afraid of succeeding? Yes, I was. I was also afraid that what people might think I think about myself if I'm successful. I was scared they would think that I thought I was better than them. I thought that because of certain comments people had made to me that made me self-conscious about these projects because they centered around me. Then I remembered--it's not about me, it's about God. I have absolutely no right to stand in the way of God's will, so I have to stop sabotaging myself because I'm afraid I will be successful.
I realized that I didn't need to feel self-conscious about what God had planned for me because it was for me, and I knew that I would always, always give him the glory! So I just abandoned that fear of success for two very good reasons. One, I don't need "the rocks to cry out for me," (see Luke 19:40) I will proclaim the miracles and glory of God all by myself! Two, if I am to be true to my faith, and my God, the only choice I have is to submit to God, let him use me, be thankful for the opportunity, be humbled by the outcomes and share the rewards. That's it. Succeeding is the only choice. Listening to, and obeying God is the only way. God gave this work to me, so I am the only one. For those who would be discouraging and attempt to sway me, I say what Jill Scott said, "Hate on me hater...I'm not afraid cause, what I got I paid for...."
Today, I am committed to success to the Glory of God!
It's another's day's journey, and I am ecstatic about being here!